“It’s heartbreaking being your wife. It’s been heartbreaking for years. I ask for help, I ask you to be a partner, and you’re not. It doesn’t matter what you say. When you’re here, it’s like you’re not here. I’m headed to Christine’s house now, filled with emotions. How dare she move my stuff out? I want to know what she’s thinking because we aren’t communicating.
“I don’t want Cody in my room. His presence gives me anxiety. You moved me to the garage. Why? Because having your stuff here was hard. You said you weren’t attracted to me and didn’t want an intimate marriage. I didn’t. You did. You said our marriage wouldn’t be intimate. I can’t accept that. I didn’t tell you that. Yes, you did. You said people survive without intimacy. I never signed up for a marriage like that.
“Christine had been telling family members she wanted to leave me. She never told me. I shrug my shoulders because I’m not fooling around with someone threatening to leave. It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. I don’t want a marriage where you shrug your shoulders when I ask about intimacy.
“She says our marriage started disintegrating when she was pregnant with Truly. I was working at night, and Aspen, our ten-year-old, ran the house. I asked Cody for help, and he said no. He denies this happened. She wanted more attention than I could give because of my other wives and children. It’s unfair to blame me alone. You say I wasn’t around before COVID. I was here four full days regularly. When people work, they leave the house. I have a lot of responsibilities.
“Why are you holding on to me? This isn’t working, Cody. You said you weren’t interested in a sexual marriage. You said people survive without it. You’re blaming me for being turned off by your behavior. We’ve been married for 25 years. Tell me if you don’t want to be married anymore. Man up. Why would I want you in bed? I bought this house and furniture. This is my place too. I know, but you don’t love me. It’s embarrassing. Being married to you has been heartache and pain. I tried so hard to be what you needed.
“Everything but treat your sister wives with kindness and respect. That statement makes me want to scream. My heart’s been broken for years by your complaints and hatred of plural marriage. Christine was great with Janelle’s kids but not Robyn’s. I feel betrayed. We married under unromantic circumstances. It felt like destiny, but had I known better, I wouldn’t have married you.
“We had a wonderful marriage, but now it’s been ten years of sad and heartbreak. My heart’s been shattered enough. We should work towards reconciliation for our kids’ sake. It’s bad timing. I’m dumbfounded. She’s moved on, and I’m sitting here feeling pathetic and angry. I’ve struggled to keep this family healthy at great sacrifice. I defended you.
“I don’t trust you. Stop blaming me. We have love and intimacy conditional on being part of a plural family. A couple of times a year doesn’t work for a marriage. I’m afraid you’ll take Truly to Utah, get a boyfriend, and I’ll lose access to her and my money. Promise me that won’t happen. I promise. Cody’s behavior confirms my decision. Living plural marriage has been an effort with no joy. I’m heartbroken about getting out, but I can’t live in that heartbroken spot. There’s hope for the future, but it’s been worse for Mary. Comparing my marriage with Mary to my marriage with Robyn is unfair.
“Talking about plural marriage and sister wives has been heartbreaking. I feel like I don’t matter and I’m not important. You have other places you’d rather be. When you bring up the Mother’s Day you came over for 15 minutes, it doesn’t matter. Your time is your time. I’ve been defensive since I saw my stuff moved out. When I mattered, living plural marriage was fine. But now, I’ve been putting in for 12 years. You wouldn’t help me all the times I asked. I felt like I was dealing with someone constantly agitated. If I seemed detached, it was because I don’t know how to properly respond to heartbreak. My heart has been broken enough.”
4o
